The Biggest Relationship Myth -– It’s 50/50
By Everett Christensen
He spends too much money on football tickets, even though he
knows it drives her crazy. She continues to leave every light on
in the house, day after day, even though he asks her to turn
them off. Many couples find themselves arguing about everything,
big and small, over and over again. These aren’t deal breaker
issues – they’re not the kind of things that lead to a split –
but little things can build into a perception of “mountains” and
cause a heap of trouble for a relationship. Plus, bickering is
exhausting and unpleasant. Let’s face it, nobody wants to be one
of those couples, and certainly no one wants be around one — at
least not for long.
Why is it that some couples are always arguing and others seem
blissfully content with their partners? While every relationship
is unique, it’s inevitable that in each and every couple will
get on one another’s nerves, no matter how long they’ve been
together or how much they love each other. Once you understand
that, the problems and annoyances that arise can be put in the
proper perspective.
One of the biggest myths about relationships is that they are a
50/50 proposition. He puts in 50-percent of the work and so does
she. Each party should take half the responsibility for making
the relationship work. Sounds fair, right? But the problem is
that you really can’t define what or where that halfway mark is
because it’s subjective. If you’re not willing to put in more
than 50-percent to a relationship, you’ll likely put in less –
just to be sure you’re not being taken advantage of. If two
people give less than 50-percent it’s not a healthy
relationship.
How much should you put in? How do you know when you’re putting
in enough? Or too much? For the average couple, the division
varies at any given time. And an amazing thing happens when one
person gives more than 50-percent. Invariably, instead of the
other person giving less, he or she responds in kind, and also
ups the ante and both partners are giving more. When you stop
being scorekeepers you get two people who are putting the other
first – at least some of the time.
If disagreements and annoyances are inevitable in
relationships, why do the non-fighting couples seem to get along
so well? The answer is, that while conflict is inevitable, it’s
also resolvable. Change is also inevitable. Relationships become
stagnant unless they grow and morph. But while change can
sometimes be unpredictable, there are some things about it that
remain constant. One of them is that you can’t change your
partner. Realize the only person you can change is yourself and
spend your time and energy accordingly. You can change how you
react to a situation or you can decide that you are just going
to accept it-– or not.
How you choose to deal with your conflicts is what determines
whether you have a happy relationship or not. And who doesn’t
want that?
About the Author: Everett Christensen has spent more than 45
years analyzing and evaluating the development of interpersonal
relationships. Take his relationship quiz at
http://www.dillstreetpress.com/quiz.htm. Christensen is the
author of “60-40 or Fight: How to Get Along with Someone Besides
Yourself.”
Did you enjoy this post? Why not leave a comment below and continue the conversation, or subscribe to my feed and get articles like this delivered automatically to your feed reader.
Comments
No comments yet.
Leave a comment